reignited-SACRIFICE

A Post.

2011-02-12T22:50:00.000+08:00

Hello. I'll just leave this here.

Jonathan:	NO, that was a shitty pic pls
Kiibi:	dear god man. fucking rerection
daryl- [ダリル]:	what re?
Jonathan:	RE? as in again?
daryl- [ダリル]:	what the fuck you look once
Jonathan:	more than once?
daryl- [ダリル]:	get derection then look again get rerection
Chun:	LOL
daryl- [ダリル]:	so she appears ugly at 1st la but when look closer quite hot to you la
† Χάος θρύλος †:
.KUROHI/rei.:	i fucking lol'd
Jonathan:
Kiibi:	oh fuck
.KUROHI/rei.:	oh god potato is falling out of my mouth
Kiibi:	i'm going to go bang my head against the wall for awhile

2011-01-16T18:11:00.000+08:00

What are we doing?

Today I am darker than shadow and lighter than air

2011-01-05T22:29:00.000+08:00

These two sides of me always seem to be at odds. I'm a hopeless romantic, I'm a jaded cynic. Pitch black. Rose quartz. Shades of grey. Red and orange.

Now the question is, who came first? If I had to pick one, which would I pick?

We're playing roulette, boys. Don't take your eyes off the ball.

Double dose of caffeine? Single-shot reality.

2011-01-05T06:49:00.000+08:00

5:45. Snooze. 5:50. Snooze. 5:55. Snooze. You wake up at six and you feel like shit. But this isn't Monday morning. The new year took Monday. We already had Tuesday so that makes it-

Wednesday morning at 6 am, and a first-rate disposition to a brilliant start to the day. Hmph. Guess it just goes to show that a hell of a night means a hell of a morning. No exceptions. I make all the right noises and grunt my way to the bathroom. Cold water feels colder at 6 am. Everything feels colder at 6 am. Same old routine. Same old disgruntled face. Same all stupid hairstyle plastered down with cold water. Polyester shirt one size too small at the shoulders. Polyester pants one size too long at the ankles. Standard tie, condition: worn. I think about all the graduates and businessmen still snug in their beds. Cotton shirt, tailored pants, Italian silk ties, varying patterns. Mostly, I think about the two extra hours of sleep they'll be having over me this morning. I try not to.

I'm out the door and across the street before I realize. The routine is five going on six years strong. But this'll be the last. It hits me. This'll be the last.

This is it, mate. Time to make things count. Make things count before you never have the chance again.

Where do all the years go? Where do they go?

Frayed string held by shivering hands, echoed voices 1.83 meters too far away

2010-12-28T10:08:00.000+08:00

He spins the best yarns when it counts.

He sighs with an imperceptible shake of the head.

What do I do with you?

A portrait of despair

2010-12-27T00:34:00.000+08:00

It takes a while to register, for the understanding to sink in. Then slowly, panic rises like a cancer, painfully spreading from the core through the arms, to the ends of each finger. A panic tangible enough to render him a decent imitation of a rheumatic patient. His fingers fumble on the keys, as the sterile, polite, slightly mocking voice echoes in his ears.

Sorry. We are unable to reach the customer's mobile phone. Please try again later. Sorry. We are unable to reach the customer's mobile phone. Please try again later. Sorry. We are unable to reach the customer's mobile phone. Please try again later.

He nearly drops the phone. It's an irrational, stupid thing. His panic is misplaced. What's the big deal, really? She's just mad, she'll come around tomorrow. He repeats the words to himself in his head.

But fear in any form is a relentless beast. The smallest shred of anxiety can grow, and eat away at one's logical faculties until very little is left.

Sorry. We are unab-

Sorry. We are unable to rea-

Sorry. We are-

Again and again his redials her number, each time expecting the scathing automated voice, yet each time feeling like he'd been slapped in the face.

Different emotions take it in turn to hold the reigns. Fear. Panic. Anger. Despair. And then a different flavor. Rejection. Loneliness. Back to anger.

She could be cruel, at times. Unexpectedly, efficiently and effectively. She knew just the right ways to push his buttons. It was unfair, he shrieked silently. He'd never do anything of the sort in return. Would he? No, he didn't think he would.

In desperation to escape the feeling of helplessness, he began to think of different ways to reach her. But how? Go over to her place? No, she hadn't been there for weeks. There's no reason she would be there now. More than likely she'd asked a friend for a favor and was now somewhere unknown. Call her manager, her co-workers? How pointless. She'd left work hours ago. There's no way any of them could be of any help. In any case, he didn't have their numbers and couldn't think of any way to acquire them.

Even as he ran these solutions by himself, each one less likely to work than the last, his fingers kept hitting the same buttons. The 'sorry' was aggravating.

He paced, looking for some answer, looking for some consolation, and finding none.

Defeated, he slumped into his chair. Maybe he'd just wait until morning. She'd have to have her phone on then. Maybe she'd decide to be merciful sometime in the night. Maybe-

His thoughts hit a wall.

He'd never appreciated the sound of a dial tone more than he did now.

Are you, are you coming to the tree?

2010-12-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

HELLO I'm alive and well thank you very much. Can't really say I've been busy so much as I've been lazy really. In truth the times I feel the need to write again are often hindered by a rusty hand that has long forgotten the habit. It's unfamiliar now and as alien as exercise or proper meals and sleep cycles. It used to be such an integral part of my daily routine now clunky and unengaging. But I will try to return to the cycle and no doubt once school brings along with it a multitude of experiences to evoke this or that, it should come back. Hopefully.

On the other hand, my reading has picked up over the last few weeks and I thought I'd do a little musing on the series I just finished, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I had a few things to say about it. But I can't. I can't write like I used to. Even as I write, I feel the slightly disconcerting cloud of formality at my fingers. It feels like talking to an acquaintance with whom I am not familiar. Cold. Slightly unfriendly. I read some of my old blog posts the other day and it was like speaking to an old friend I haven't seen in a long while. Someone who was like me but not quite. I want to know that friend again. I want to find that person and re-establish a close relationship.

But for now, the lure of writing remains alien. I am tired from a number of things on my mind that have no rightful claim to any sort of attention, but yet clamor incessantly before me. I shall pick up my pen on a fresh day with a fresh mind. Perhaps my ink shall flow again then.

If at first you don't succeed... add more freaking catalyst

2010-12-09T15:13:00.000+08:00

I knew I did something wrong. After 4(?) days of setting, the resin still was the consistency of sugar syrup. At this point, it's stupidity to keep letting it sit. It's time to figure out what the fuck went wrong and redo it.

4 days of waiting had yielded nothing but a sticky mess. What's more, the placeholder piece, after being soaked in resin for this long a period, started to unravel and even if the resin had set, it would have been screwed up with this strip of masking tape stuck inside. I got a plastic bag and dumped the contents.

Some amount of the resin had set anyway, and there were chunks of solid or semi-solid bits of goo.

So I opened up everything again and read all the instructions over. I took the mould out and used the primary school method of determining volume - dunk it in a container of water and measure the spillage. I concluded it was about 200ml give or take worth of resin.

Then I realised what went wrong. The instructions asked for 1-3% of catalyst to be mixed into the resin. At 200ml, that's 2-6ml of catalyst, certainly more than just a few drops. When I did the first skull, I just added a cursory number of drops, maybe 5 or so (I thought I was being generous with it) on top of the resin which I poured directly into the latex mould from the can. I checked the conversion given on the can. 1ml was 30 fucking drops. No wonder the fucking thing wasn't setting, I hardly added any catalyst at all. Sloppy, much.

Determined to get it right, I got a measuring cylinder, a plastic cup for mixing, a syringe, a plastic bowl and more ice-cream sticks. I remade the casting support rig, which was sagging after half a week of exposure to damp air and a dead liquid weight.

I measured 200ml of resin into the plastic cup with the measuring cylinder, then shook the dropper bottle into the bowl until there was a substantial amount of catalyst at the bottom. I filled the syringe to 5ml (2.5%) after a few more rounds of shaking and injected it into the middle of the plastic cup of resin. I then stirred with the ice-cream stick for good measure.

Once I was done and I poured it into the mould again, I went to remake another placeholder. This time I wrapped it in masking tape first, then again with electrical tape to make sure it was watertight. I also inserted it so that the ends of the tape were above the surface. When I inserted it, the resin gave a certain resistance that made it clear it was now, within the space of 20 minutes or less, thicker than I had achieved in the last 4 days.

Bleargh. Note to self. Next time, read the fucking instructions more carefully.

On Monday, I took my belt buckle piece over to Daryl's to bake it in his oven. His laptop display is fucked and he wanted to borrow my second monitor for a week. I agreed (and regret doing so, one screen is so claustrophobic now) on the condition that he let me bake my clay in his oven. Mine trips the circuit breaker after it's been on for more than 5 minutes, which is also the reason we had to lug the turkey over to Jon's place to roast last week. Unfortunately, his mother refuses to let me bake any non-food item in that same oven, so I was shit out of luck. So it was fortunate that Daryl agreed to let me use his.

Except that his fucking oven trips the circuit breaker in the exact same way mine does. So I still have my clay belt buckles, now sitting in a lunch box.

-

2010-12-07T15:15:00.000+08:00

Just a short post. Okay I have no idea if I did something wrong or something just went wrong. Instructions said it would take about a day but my resin skull has been setting for 2 days now and it still has a gel-like consistency. It still ripples when I blow on the surface. Maybe I didn't add the hardening agent right. Or maybe it's just much deeper and thicker than objects people usually cast. Hopefully it'll turn out okay in the end. I've also Glasgow-smiled the styrofoam skull half to open his jaw up for the awakened side (open-mouthed skull side) of Rebellion. The I finally got around to building the ribs. I've done the bottom two so far and I removed the top magnet bases because under the ribs, which are quite thick, there will be too much of a gap and the magnets will lose effective pull force. I'll put up pics when it's done.

In other news, my Uberman cycle has been fucked over again. I'm changing the timings to 3-7-11 but staggering it forward by 30 minutes so it doesn't coincide with Joel's. Must get this on track, only 3 weeks left in December!

Experiments in casting and sculpting

2010-12-05T16:02:00.000+08:00

Given that I'm supposed to be on the Uberman sleep schedule, or at least adapting to it, I'm supposed to be in a state of sleep-deprivation and lowered productivity and focus, at least for the last few and the next few days. So I decided to work on the belt buckle and the skull casting instead of doing the ribs. Yay, more excuses to avoid boring repetitive work!

The skull involved making a latex mould of the positive original and then casting it in polyester resin. The buckle involved sculpting it by hand out of Sculpey oven-bake polymer clay. I did both simultaneously, sculpting the buckle as I waited for the layers of liquid latex to dry on the skull.

Skull with 1 layer of liquid latex.

3 layers.

6 layers.

Belt buckle reference from 3D model.

Finished clay buckle. Yeah, it's not perfect, it's kind of flawed but hey, gimme some credit here, I did that by hand! Besides, I don't think anyone will pay too close attention to my navel area, so...

After 6 layers of latex, I figured it was enough, so I took the foam skull out of the mould.

Original skull and latex mould side by side.

Inside of latex mould.

My casting support, made out of two pieces of cardboard and ice-cream sticks.

Resin skull being cast, with the metal pipe placeholder, composed of cardboard and masking tape. Polyester resin smells horrible and it's hard as hell to clean off surfaces like that parapet. I set up a fan to blow the air out the window, so hopefully the room won't smell like crap after it's done.

On the bright side, I've had a few good dreams

2010-12-03T17:04:00.000+08:00

Day Two of Uberman-proper. Ok I can't really call it proper when I oversleep a third of my naps. But I'm trying. Yesterday's 6 and 10 pm naps were sleepless. I kinda just lay there drifting in and out before the alarm went off. I think my 2 am one was as well. This morning's 6 I overslept by quite a lot, 10 was fine but I overslept 2. This is tough. Need to pull more discipline out of my arse if I want this to work. Went running with Jon yesterday night too. Body aches like shit now.

So Project Rebellion. I haven't worked on it in a couple of days but I thought I should get around to updating.

I decided my previously made second magnet base was too rough around the edges and crude so I removed it and rebuilt a new base.

Afterwards I got around to making the blade faces. Instead of cutting them exactly to size as I did previously last year, I made them the same size as the blade base, then cut diagonally along the edge with a 1 cm border to achieve a tiered appearance. It's rough but it let me create a beveled appearance without having to fill the entire edge with glue, which would make it tons heavier. This way I save on glue and effort, at the cost of some smoothness. This I can possibly fix later on, after I'm done with everything else. At the moment, I have a somewhat uneven edge of glue and exposed cardboard corrugation.

After cutting the structure out but before glue it on, I removed the triangular piece at the top and cut vertically down the face on the back side. Then I folded the face on itself, which was aligned carefully with the grain of the cardboard, to create a small ridge down the middle of the blade face. It's not very visible in pictures but it has a nice effect in shadow. It's visible in the last few pictures.

Diagonally cut cardboard edge.

Glue-filled.

Once the faces were glued down, I put the triangular piece back in. For the side with the magnet base, I cut around the circle and removed a section from the middle of the triangular piece while leaving the top layer of paper intact. Then I glued down the sections individually and pasted the paper down over the base

Side with base.

Side without.

After that I made the little rocket-shaped piece that is the beginning of the ribs structure. The ribs are the next step and prior experience has taught me that this will be the most boring and tedious bit of the whole operation. Which is probably why I've put it off the last few days. I also realised that the ribs are thicker than I originally thought, about 9 cm deep from face to face. this probably means I'll cut out my first magnet base and rebuild it as well, because too large a gap between the magnets in the sword and the magnets in the harness (which I've still yet to make) will mean much weaker pull force, and I do not want that.

Current stage, front.

Current stage, back.

Also, it is notable that the sword is now too heavy to be suspended by the 4 half-pieces of broken magnet, but I'm confident that if built correctly, the 9-magnet-strong harness will be more than capable of carrying it.

That's it for now. Ciao.

I call it the 'OMFG-it's-December Effect'

2010-12-02T18:00:00.000+08:00

December started yesterday and it's hit me like a train. December already? Well I guess it was no surprise that it was a surprise. This feeling has been hitting me every holiday period since forever. Only a month plus left before school starts up again? I haven't done nearly half of what I wanted to do! It's too soon, I need more time. So I decided to start up the polyphasic sleep cycle again. One more try for the Uberman Sleep Cycle. I also made a habits calendar to keep a number of habits going, though given yesterday's events, I'm probably only starting today.

Yesterday, was after-Thanksgiving dinner. See, celebrate Thanksgiving (read: excuse to have a feast) just short of a week late and the supermarkets should be having turkey on clearance offer right? Cheap meat means cheap eats, so Jon, Joel, Geo and I settled for a turkey dinner to give Joel a chance to try out making a roast. Turkeys are monstrous things. The smallest we could find at Cold Storage was five, nearly six kilos and the largest was eleven plus. So Joel and I lugged the bird and a bunch of other ingredients back to my house from Holland Village yesterday morning. Given the nature of preparing a meal over the course of the entire day, I missed all my 20 minute naps yesterday and I was running on energy reserves over the previous day's preparation for rebooting my Uberman cycle. I crashed pretty heavy last night and I guess my cycle is fucked over again, until the next nap at 6 pm. I was only vaguely aware this morning and I kept waking and falling back asleep before finally getting up at 2:20. I'm fairly certain that I consciously chose to sleep at 2 and then had some good REM before waking up at 2:20 because the gap felt much longer than 20 minutes. I think that should count as a nap so my cycle has begun again.

Rebellion update later, or tomorrow if I get lazy.

Casting

2010-11-23T14:25:00.000+08:00

I'll be looking around Art Friend for some casting and moulding materials for the skull on Rebellion. Previously I used these styrofoam skull props I got at a party store last year for the previous attempt, but for some reason I chose to buy three instead of four, so I have only 1 spare. I can't, for the life of me, remember why I chose to get a single spare instead of two, or none at all. So this time I'll be casting the skull, and possibly other parts as I see fit, out of resin. This is the first time I've ever gone near resin, so we'll see how that turns out. As of the last update, I've installed one side of the blade face, the side opposite of the magnet bases, and filled one edge with glue. I'm using a different method for the glue edge than last time, but I'll elaborate with pictures when I've got the time to do a proper update.

Strong doubts, stronger love.

2010-11-22T08:30:00.000+08:00

This is a cruddy sort of morning to be getting up to do menial labour. Hurh. Volunteer weeding for CAS. I'm so gonna regret this.

I'm not sure if being told that I'm 'good at this' when referring to unskilled labour is a complement or not...

Somewhere, deep in my soul

2010-11-21T02:58:00.000+08:00

Actually, I might already have died.

~

Hello. I thought I might talk about any number of things. The past few days have had no shortage of blog material. In chronological order, I could talk about Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, or Joel's pretentious (but good) cooking, or paintball, or Dance Central, or experimentation with polyphasic sleep cycles. Or I could update on my progress with Project Rebellion (it's going well), or hanging out with my cousin Georgia. Or I could talk about my OG, with whom I just met.

But I won't.

Today is supposed to be our 8th month. I say 'supposed to be' because she broke it. She ended it again. Now the idea we agreed on is to take a break from each other, and make up on the 21st, today. Please understand that this post is not any attempt to bitch-blog, nor a spiteful exhibition of our dirty linen. This is merely a loosely put together chain of musings. I won't put in any specific pieces of gossip-worthy information, and hopefully you won't find any bitterness in here. I decided a long time ago that whatever happens, I won't be bitter and I won't be spiteful. If it comes to it, I'll throw away all the negative stuff that I don't need and just keep the happy memories. So I'll try my best not to bitch too much. I just want to talk about something that has been a major part of my life for the better part of this year.

I love Red. I love my girlfriend very much. But love is such a fucked up thing, isn't it? I think on the whole, people in general, adults included (or perhaps especially) don't know what love is, don't know how to show it, how to respond to it or what it implies. How arrogant, how utterly pretentious of me, as a mere 17 year old kid, to pretend, to aspire to love. I have yet to see before my own eyes, a love that lasts, a love that can call itself love. I have seen my mother struggle for years for love and my father oblivious and confused. My mother loved my father, and I'm sure on some level he loved her too. He just didn't know, and probably still doesn't know, what love is, and what to do with it. I think he was honestly, sincerely confused, hurt and outraged when my mother finally left him. Numerous failed make-ups, dozens of counselling sessions and three difficult childhoods to share, my parents' history is a formidable and tumultuous one. But it's not so uncommon. It's sad, really, that people can't grapple with this thing called love. Love only leads to pain. It's a right tragedy, if two people love each other, and through no force of malice or ill intent, end up hurting each other more deeply than any blade can do.

Why? Why is something so pure and so simple as love between two people so convoluted and painful? Hypocrisy, on my part, has seen me watch others fail, thrash about and wallow in self-pity while exhibiting to the whole world how pathetic and weak they are, only to have it hit myself. I cry out in protest, why! Why should this happen to me? I should be above this weakness, I who have seen all the pitfalls and danced so lithely over the snares. It is utterly unfair that I should have to endure the sorrow of the common. Hypocrisy. This is karma for something, for my lofty attitude and disdainful smirk. This is retribution for my daring to mock the common.

Getting into a relationship was probably the best and worst thing that has happened to me thus far. It's most rewarding and most punishing. Is it worth it? Months ago I would have said yes without a second thought. But how can you say, really? How can you quantify and weigh the pros and cons? There is nothing rational whatsoever about love. Love's not only blind but deaf. And probably has Down's and Tourette's too.

I love Red. I love the smell of her hair, the feel of her skin. I love her laugh and her voice and the way her eyes turn slightly at the corners when she smiles. I love her fingers between my knuckles and her neck in the crook of my arm. I love the way I feel when we're happy together, like the world could fall apart at our feet and we wouldn't care. I love the simple contentment of being near her and laughing at stupid things. I love the feeling of connection when we like or hate the same thing. Mostly I just love the company. Don't get me wrong, I love the company of my friends, my relevant family (and my cat) too. My treasured friends, especially, probably tie at the top of my list of people I would do unrestrainedly anything for. But they're all different. I could write another post on each, about friendship, family (and cats), but they really all boil down to love. Hell, on any given day I could probably change the order. It depends on the mood. Love is very important to me. The love of a friend, or family, or a beast should all qualify, but nothing has taken me to greater extremes, on both ends of the spectrum, than this.

In the last eight months (and for a pathetically short period, some six months before that) I've experienced a great deal of novel experiences. It was always going to be hard, sure, and it probably always will be. I was warned, but I took the plunge anyway. I've served and been served gross injustice, though I can safely say, without any apology, that in all fairness, I was served a lot more than I served. At some points it was utterly unreasonable and frustratingly unnecessary. At some points, it felt like an uphill battle I was fighting alone. But it's always meant enough for me to get up and try again. I worked too hard to just let it go. I was always holding on.

I reached a point where I realised that all it would take to ruin everything was one bad day, in which I slipped up and stopped holding tight. It kind of made me sad to know that I was pulling but no one was pulling back. And it happened. About a week ago, we had some argument that was likely stupid and definitely trivial. I frankly don't even remember it. But it's the small things that add up, the fights we don't remember and the carcasses of dead arguments we sweep under the carpet. But kill enough insects and that pile is going to grow, and soon you won't be able to ignore that lump of dead things under your rug. As a result of that particular conflict, I faced a lot of scathing attitude, some degree of outright unreasonableness and a number of just-to-prove-a-point undertakings. I apparently failed the patience test, because I couldn't, wouldn't respond like gentle Jesus meek and mild. So I donned my Do-Whatever-You-Like Coat and Hat of +10 Snarky Self-Righteousness and set out to not give a shit. I was far too miffed to play ball.

I knew it would happen the moment I stopped fighting. One spat and 'it's over, we're through.' One night I stopped caring too much and it turns on me as incontrovertible proof that I didn't care and never did. It pissed me off. It pissed me off big time. This is what she made of all my efforts, of all I've done for this relationship. At some point it stops being clear whose fault a specific argument is. Sometimes I'm the most self-righteous prick in the world and everyone owes me two livings and a stick of gum. Sometimes, she is, and I'm the frantic peacemaker struggling to find the disproportionately skewed middle ground.

You know, everyone is going to end up hurting us. Some maybe less, some more. I've debated with myself about whether to stop caring and not let myself get hurt any more, or to keep at it and hope for the best. I've reached no satisfactory conclusion at all. There are things that seriously get me riled up. There are things that outright disgust me. Some days the jaded cynic in me takes the hopeless romantic aside and beats the shit out of him, and shoves a lovely hit of logic under his nose. Logically speaking, this or that should be more than enough of a case against love. Sometimes it's like a show trial court case where everyone's against you, only that everyone is yourself.

But what the hell, right? Love was never logical and it never pretended to be.

Maybe I'm just a masochist.

And maybe I'm just a sadist for letting you be.

A Note on Cardboard

2010-11-17T19:50:00.000+08:00

Oh, the cardboard I'm using this time is better. I've got one thin single-wall and one thick triple-wall piece, courtesy of my mother and my maid respectively. In my first attempt, I only had one type, which was double-wall and it had been folded. So if you noticed, my first sword was bulky, too thick, blunt edged and creased at intervals. Ugly. This time I have nice, whole cardboard from salon mirror packing (the thin one) and from a huge freight cargo shipping box 23 by 23 by 45 inches in size. I've also reduced the scale of the sword from 1:1 with my height to about 145 cm to my height of 178 cm. This is due to a more accurate estimation of the sword's relative size, which I now know is NOT 1:1 with Dante's height. Dunno what the hell I was thinking.

Housekeeping, and Project Rebellion once again.

2010-11-17T18:55:00.000+08:00

Hello, whoever may be reading this, and welcome to Smouldering Pages. After nearly a year of irregularly (or not at all) posting, I've begun to miss blogging. I guess in a sense I'd just gotten tired of writing, and after a while, daily chores and mundane routine took center stage. I even started using Facebook. You could say I migrated to Facebook. Facebook became the primary consumer of my free time spent on the internet, despite my earlier distaste and refusal to touch Facebook. I guess after a while, peer pressure gets to everyone. You can't hide forever, you give in. But it hasn't been all bad. I first made Facebook to stop everyone from buggering me about it so they could tag me in photos and for the most part, I kept pretty inactive. But I suppose it has its draws. It certainly has eaten a nice chunk out of this year's internet time. In the end, I miss writing. Microblogging of the likes of Facebook or Twitter (which I still refuse to touch, and given the function of the Facebook Status, I see no reason to relent) cater to today's culture of short attention spans. If that suits you, it's fine by me. But writing, and its counterpart, reading, will always be part of my interests, and I find there is no hobby quite like reading a good book. I love music, I love video games, and any other forms of escapism that come my way (save for substance abuse, but I guess we'll see what happens in 5 years, aye? Touchwood.) but words! There really isn't anything quite like words.

In the several months I've ceased this little habit of penning down anything that comes to mind on a blog, I have on occasion taken to the more traditional outlet of keeping a diary. I say keeping, but these entries were infrequent and afterwards discarded and forgotten. See, I really only needed it at the more painful moments of this duration. At some point even last year, there were things I could not and would not post onto a public blog, so I instead turned to the humble pen and paper. After I had finished pouring out whatever toxic bitterness inflaming my palate that particular day, I would burn each page like sacrifices, symbolically eliminating the emotion attached to that particular memory, and I would let it go. I would watch the pages curl and glow and the smell of ash lingered for a while after. The name of this new blog originates from that experience.

Progressively, I lost the need to write and post on my blog and like any other discarded hobby, it sank into stagnation and inactivity to the point where I wanted to revive it and yet had no idea how to. Today, I begin again. I hope it keeps this time.

~

This is gonna be long, and with pictures. Yey, pictures.

After (also) nearly a year since the failure of my first attempt at Project Rebellion (12 December 2009), I have returned (sadly, after missing this year's AFA altogether) to try again, this time with more refinement and a more focussed plan. So here's a quick rundown of my so-far.

Instead of using halfassed pieced-together screenshots, I am using references ripped from the raw game models. Tools to do this were not available at the time of the first Project Rebellion.

The upper image is of the original reference, from game models. The lower is of course of my blueprints, showing cardboard faces and base, a wooden dowel as skeleton, a metal pipe as structural reinforcement (the first one failed primarily because the dowel broke) and two refined magnet bases. The magnets are meant to be used in tandem with a harness that I have not properly built to secure the sword to my back as per Dante. I had always intended for this to be the case but I used shitty magnets the last time. In actual fact, they were hard drive magnet replacements, if I'm not wrong. Since last year, I've gained the power of eBay (yey) so I bought these 30lb-pull-force neodymium monsters from the UK.

My bed, converted into a workbench.

Dowel with metal pipe in place, hot-glued down with cardboard ring buffers at each end to compensate for the thickness gap.

Nice big, thin, flat, cardboard. Lovely.

Base layer completed, held together with masking tape to hold the position whilst I hot-glued the dowel to the blade base.

The abovementioned neodymium monsters. I broke one in half when I first opened the package because I was playing with it. These things are so strong that the pull force between them is strong enough to break them in two when they collide. My brother broke a second one earlier today by accident, but it's fine, because the magnet bases as shown in the diagram above only requires 9 of them. Another 9 is needed for the harness I will eventually make, so two broken magnets out of 20 is just enough. Can't break any more though.

Shell holder cutouts for the magnet bases.

The magnet base consists of three layers, the base piece, the shell holder, and a top piece. The base and shell are glued together to create a cradle for the magnets, then the magnets are inserted and held with masking tape before I glue the top piece over the whole thing.

The completed base. I wrote N to indicate the polarity.

Two bases mounted onto the sword base. I'm using the word 'base' too goddamn much.

I made this wall mount, or you could call it a prototype of the magnet harness, using the four half-pieces of broken magnets, just to test the strength.

Rebellion, as completed to its current stage, mounted on the wall. Obviously, the final product will be significantly heavier, but if it can hold with only four tiny half-pieces, I'm sure the full 9 magnet strong harness will be more than capable of holding this baby. That's it for now, I'm going to clean up, pack some shit and head over to Joel's to play Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood on his Xbox, because apparently there's a new security feature in place and I can't play any new games. Ciao.

♥.

2010-09-15T21:18:00.006+08:00

Click me.

-

2010-02-25T21:36:00.000+08:00

Alright you asshats, leave her alone now. You know who you are.

-

2010-02-18T01:23:00.000+08:00

Thanks. I'll try to keep up with expectations:D

No promises though. Heh.

-

2010-02-10T23:08:00.002+08:00

HMMMM.

I can die happy

2010-02-05T00:14:00.002+08:00

Big Night Out 2010

I screamed, I shouted, I sang, I jumped, I moshed and generally I had a fucking awesome time.

~

SET LIST

Uprising
Supermassive Black Hole
Map of the Problematique
Resistance
Interlude + Hysteria
Stockholm Syndrome
Nishe
United States of Eurasia
Sunburn
Undisclosed Desires
MK ULTRA
Starlight
Time Is Running Out
Unnatural Selection

Encore:
Exogenesis: Symphony Part I (Overture)
Plug In Baby
Man with a Harmonica intro + Knights of Cydonia

filler post

2010-02-02T23:59:00.001+08:00

Didn't finish writing the long long post about art, so I'll leave that to tomorrow, possible the day after (on account of Muse.)

I finished Siddhartha today and I was talking to my dad about religion. Mostly he did the talking, but it was kind of nice to just sit there and hear out his opinions. I think my dad goes under agnostic leaning toward atheist, so for that,

RESPECT POINTS +10

-

2010-01-31T21:41:00.001+08:00

Yey. Eating no longer feels like penance.

Flu b gone bai tmr plzkthx.

no shame, just whack.

2010-01-30T23:56:00.002+08:00

I should really get around to posting this before I can't bother anymore.

I woke up today at about 4 pm, having slept roughly 16 hours. I'm still sick, though both my ulcer and my flu symptoms are starting to clear up. But it still hurts like a pair of porcupines are having sex in my head every time I sneeze.

So anyway, I wanted to talk about my OG (sounds so GANGSTA).

Alright, so I wasn't exactly bumpin' fists and hangin' tight ~~and doing drive-bys~~ with my OG when I first found out who was in it last year. I only really knew Gideon, and apart from JQ, Jasper and Je Sern (a point of interest in their own right), the rest of the lot consisted of scholars and people I didn't know. Then it was the holidays, and I stopped giving a shit. Then school began, and I found myself even less agreeable with this group of people with whom I was supposed to form unbreakable friendships.

The teachers in charge of us reminded me of a more pushover version of Kong (which is okay) and an English-speaking version of Lum (which is very very not okay). To top it all off, my OGL Joel was enthu to the point of annoying me, and for the first few days, the only thing I looked forward to was dismissal. Not actually surprising, considering this was the 'enrichment lectures' period, AKA worthless bludgery.

I'll just come right out and say it at this point. I love my OG. OG18/Theseus is awesome.

Why the 180?

JQ isn't actually as bad as people think he is. He's funny and he isn't even mean to the scholars. Kudos for that. The scholars are also pretty cool people. Shouts to Sonal, Happy (his name is fucking awesome amirite?), Cuong and Duc, and I'm sure Chen Bin and Min Qi gave the Chinese New Year decorations their best, which look nicer than anything I've seen from sec 1 (except for our cows from last year, because 4.11 is just that awesome.) Marcus and Rajat are also awesome.

I also found out that the teachers are also pretty cool people, but I still can't remember their names, heh. Pushover-Kong is still Pushover-Kong (which is good) and English-Lum is in reality very nice and not at all like English-Lum (which is doubleplusgood). But to tell the truth, the real reason for my abrupt about-turn is my OGL Joel (whom we now affectionately call Tieh). It's really the same enthusiasm that first irked me that changed my mind about the entire orientation thing. He led the flash mob in the SAC. He organised an OG outing for us, even though (or perhaps because) we didn't know each other that well.

He even takes Math Studies. Don't you love him already?

Oh, of course Lydia is awesome too. She may be bai ka, but she's OUR bai ka.

this isn't quite 'normal' yet

2010-01-28T22:07:00.002+08:00

After many long weeks of enjoying 10-hour sleep cycles and getting as much rest as my body possibly needed, I have to say, adjusting back to a 6 AM wakeup call is not the easiest thing in the world. This is only the second week back, and my body is not responding well. I napped immediately after coming home, so I can't sleep now, but my headache certainly isn't going away. Coupled with a gum ulcer that renders me unable to eat anything thicker than porridge is leaving me in a very bad mood indeed.

I need to start IV'ing coffee into my veins again.

$

2010-01-21T15:58:00.003+08:00

I found today, to my mild surprise, that I'd also won the something-or-other award thing. Brandon came to my OG class to call me out to collect the 200 dollar cheque. I couldn't cash it, though. It only allows you to deposit it into a bank account. But hey, money is money.

Oh, and when I was collecting the cheque, I was wondering if the year director would remember me for not seeing him after getting jacked for hair two days ago. Turns out he didn't. Awesomesauce. I'll try not to get on his bad side again.

I'm tired of everything and nothing in particular

2010-01-19T16:50:00.002+08:00

Right. Antagonizing your year director is most certainly not a good omen.

I will grow a ponytail one day. I will.

2010-01-18T17:51:00.003+08:00

Arriving 15 minutes late to school on the first day back is likely not a good omen. Having your EZ-link taken away only to be returned after having your hair butchered is also probably not a good omen. Antagonizing the teacher who is to be in charge of you for the next three weeks is definitely not a good omen.

The year ahead does not bode well.

~

The tie was probably the final push over the year four/year five gap. For so long, I've always associated this ~~hideous~~ gold and blue striped tie with the category of 'students older than me'. And now it's around my neck. It's a weird feeling. Today was (and the next more-than-a week or so will be) boring and rather pointless. I'm tired of it already.

~

You're an idiot. My God, you're an idiot. Are you really that dense or is that just denial?

bullmudashit

2010-01-17T23:14:00.002+08:00

So my brother is his class's music rep and he had to ~~ask me to~~ design a banner for the notice board.

For some reason his class chose Call of Duty as their class theme. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Ahh school tomorrow. Bullmudashit.

a slacking-off CCA, all the CAS hours you'll ever need and a personal harem to boot?

2010-01-17T17:15:00.005+08:00

生徒会メンバーになりたい！

...except it's not Hekiou but ACS(I).

Nevermind, I think.

Oh, yes, Friday's Japanese ele-1 test. 10/10 for oral and 100/100 for written. Jolly good.

someone is a bit slow

2010-01-16T16:44:00.004+08:00

Goodbye, red streaks, goodbye down-past-my-nose hair and goodbye 2009.

Yes, I know, I'm just over two weeks overdue on bidding 2009 a (fond?) farewell, but it hasn't felt like it until this morning (that's 2 in the afternoon for you daywalkers). Yes, I redyed and cut my hair, partially because I remember the horrors of facing the school barbers and partially because the dye took so long to set that I fell asleep and my mom was nearly done cutting it before I was fully conscious again.

I don't know what 2010 means for me, really. Not much more than a timestamp. Am I looking forward to Year 5? Not really. Am I dreading it? It's not really that either. This holiday was even longer than it usually is, so my feelings about the new year have degenerated past dread into indifference. It's less of 'oh shit, it's 2010' to more of an 'oh, it's 2010.'

Normally at this point, I'd be looking back on the previous year and reminiscing, but for some reason, I really don't want to this year. It's not that I didn't like 2009, but maybe I don't want to let go of it. Or maybe this year, the shadows outweigh the lights. I don't know.

So rather than looking back (fondly or otherwise), I want to look forward. 2009 was fun and tons of laughter, but I want to look forward. 2009 was painful and confusing, and I want to look forward. I don't want to forget, but at the same time, I don't want to remember.

I want 2009 to be that blurry vision behind tear-flooded eyes when you cry and don't remember why. I want 2009 to be the hollow echoes of innocent laughter ringing in the halls long after the joke has died.

Let the photographs remain, but the memories can fall apart.

I'll throw away everything I no longer need.

cardboard~

2010-01-12T17:36:00.001+08:00

Of all the places I thought I might get some really big cardboard

I never thought I'd get it through my maid.

//WP o- UT tgtw Ps

in 3rd person

2010-01-11T13:28:00.000+08:00

Google translate for the win.

back from Granite Island

2010-01-08T19:20:00.000+08:00

-

2010-01-04T05:49:00.000+08:00

Back in 4. Maybe I'll revive this thing then.

Ciao.

-

2009-12-25T23:14:00.001+08:00

Quite the Scrooge, ain'tcha?

Yeah, yeah.

-

2009-12-22T16:07:00.001+08:00

And when I see you, it's only pleasant in dreams.

Pity.

MAYO

2009-12-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

Dual monitors.

I has it.

-

2009-12-09T12:28:00.000+08:00

It was necessary.

But do not worry. It won't matter either way.

-

2009-12-07T22:25:00.001+08:00

Blogging from my dad's new com.

Windows 7. Do want.

-

2009-12-07T16:10:00.001+08:00

ただいま。

~

I like my roadsigns in English.

I swear it was an accident

2009-12-04T18:00:00.002+08:00

I'm a smooth criminal. A slick thief. A suave lawbreaker.

-

2009-12-04T02:00:00.000+08:00

Bend me, break me, any way you need me
All I want is you
Bend me, break me, breaking down is easy
All I want is you

-

2009-11-27T21:11:00.001+08:00

Phone died. It's kinda embarrassing >.<"

-

2009-11-27T15:57:00.006+08:00

Hey, guess what I had for dinner last night.

Curry Bee.

Curry Bee and Forg Porirdge.

Forg.

Porirdge.

~~And last I checked, Chinese for frog (lolforg) wasn't 田鸡OPEN.~~

~~Okay, so it is, but I still don't get why it's 'OPEN'.~~

Explanation. I has it.

Lulz.

-

2009-11-25T22:24:00.001+08:00

Uh. I think I'm missing something here.

You and me both, bella mio.

This is side one, flip me over. I know I'm not your favorite record

2009-11-24T01:00:00.004+08:00

Whoo.

Cycling, AFA and The Barbeque, in a row.

I'm exhausted.

Time to play a shiteload of Assassin's Creed 2, and quite possibly fuck up my body clock further.

Cheetos anyone? We've got loads.

~

Fall Out Boy - Dead on Arrival

I hope this is the last time
'Cause I'd never say no to you
This conversation's been dead on arrival
And there's no way to talk to you
This conversation's been dead on...

A rivalry goes so deep between me
And this loss of sleep over you

This is side one
Flip me over
I know I'm not you're favorite record
The songs you grow to like never stick at first
So I'm writing you a chorus
And here is your verse

No, it's not the last time
'Cause I'd never say no to you
This conversation's still dead on arrival
And there's no way to talk to you
When you're dead on...

A rivalry goes so deep between me
And this loss of sleep over you

This is side one (This is my side one)
Flip me over
I know I'm not you're favorite record
The songs you grow to like never stick at first
So I'm writing you a chorus
And here is your...

Whoo!
This is side one
Flip me over
I know I'm not you're favorite record
So-o-o-o

This is side one
Flip me over
This is side one
Flip me over
I know I'm not you're favorite record
The songs you grow to like never stick at first
So I'm writing you a chorus
And here is your verse
Here is your...

~

HAHA BET YOU TRIED CLICKING THE 'AFA' LINK WHICH WASN'T A LINK.
/troll

My name is Abdul Sharif Mohammed bin Abdul Bakir, but you can call me Abby

2009-11-21T02:02:00.000+08:00

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgpgE4PVVwM

You: are you interested in small children?

Stranger: ok :D

Stranger: how small? :D

You: below the age of puberty

Stranger: how young is that? :)

You: very yound

You: young.

Stranger: age?

You: 9 and below

You: both boys and girls

Stranger: yummy

You: lastly, are you currently living in the United States?

Stranger: nope

Stranger: but i am american

You: The Federal Bureau of Investigation has logged a record of this chat along with the IP addresses of the participants due to potential violations of U.S. law. Reference no. 2334453436. Your IP address has been entered into our suspect database and may be sent to Child Protective Services. Please wait while memory ref. code 90637895 is entered into the database.

You: Please wait while we process your IP address.

Stranger: oh shit

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

2009-11-20T22:42:00.002+08:00

Ow. My arse hurts. It feels like I got raped. ...Not that I would know what it feels like to get raped.

Went cycling with some of the 4.11 guys this morning. I set my alarms at 8:00 and 8:30, but of course, I've got a natural immunity to alarm clocks, and I only woke up when Tim called at about 10 (at which point I was already supposed to meet him at his house) and I hastily took a cab down to his place instead. Basterd. I bet he got lost on purpose.

We cycled from ECP to Changi Village, had lunch, then went back. It was fine, when going to Changi Village (though Nick Lee fell and scraped himself) but it started to rain just as we were leaving to go back. Since he couldn't cycle properly and it was raining, he left by car from Changi Village (good for him) and the rest of us cycled back in the rain. At first it was just a light drizzle, and no one thought much of it. Then it started to rain bullets. A lot of water, a near accident and several leg cramps later, I went back to Tim's house to return his bike and take a rest (with cookies!) All in all we must have cycled in excess of 24 km.

I'm fucking tired. And my arse hurts. Oh god, my arse hurts.

Single-serving Friends. Or Enemies. Or Lovers. It hardly matters.

2009-11-19T08:24:00.005+08:00

Holy crap, I think I'm addicted. This is better than trolling forums.

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hi

Stranger: how u?

You: im good

You: chicken or beef

Stranger: well that depends on the day of the week my good sir

You: is it so? why, please enlighten me on the nature of the effects that the day of the week has on the choice of your preferred meat

Stranger: well you see, we have a tradition in my family that says we must consume chicken only ever on a wednesday, and as for the beef well, my man i can only say ive ever tried it once and that was not a good experience

You: ah, i understand. In what way was your initial sampling of beef an unpleasant experience, old chap?

Stranger: well ill tell, you know and i must say ive never said this to anyone before. i was at the ripe old age of 12 when my first sample of beef was experienced and as i bit down on to the tender joint i felt a small snap at the back of my mouth. on closer examination the doctors told me a small shard of beef bone had been lodged in the entrance to my esophagus and i therefore will never be able to pronounce the letter v

You: why, i am utterly vexed by the vile villiany of that vivacious piece of veal!

Stranger: ah i see you trying to take the old tolly out of me but hear this my man i have recently undergone the most wonderful of treatments and i am now perfectly capable of prenouncing said letter v

Stranger: so fuck you

You: verily it has not vanquished the verbiage of vulgarity from your vocabulary

Stranger: indeed

You: smashing.

FUCKING LOL'D

2009-11-19T05:29:00.000+08:00

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hey

Stranger: Hello

Stranger: Im a guy

Stranger: just telling

You: haha

You: bet you've gotten alot of those basterds who just want to cyber too huh

Stranger: Yes

You: it's bloody annoying innit

Stranger: Yes

Stranger: Im just here to kill some time

You: you and me both

Stranger: yes

Stranger: lets kill

~

Stranger: just make me forget today

You: something bad happen?

Stranger: yee

Stranger: but dont ask what

Stranger: its something with a girl

Stranger: just make me laugh

You: ok, i won't.

You: um

You: shit, i'm really bad at making people feel better

You: i can piss people off really easily though

Stranger: ye..

Stranger: every guy can do that

You: true enough

You: sorry i'm not of much help

You: you sure you don't wanna talk about it?

Stranger: try man

You: i dunno

You: go watch monty python on youtube or something

~

Stranger: Where you live?

You: singapore, though most of the people here haven't heard of it

Stranger: its a country tight?

Stranger: right

Stranger: 1 stata

You: aye

Stranger: state

You: down south from malaysia

You: in a little corner of asia

Stranger: ye I know

You: you?

Stranger: Holland

You: ooh.

You: i was talking to a twilight fangirl from holland just now.

Stranger: Really

Stranger: I hate twilight

~

Stranger: I hate fantasy stuff

You: i read too much fantasy

You: kinda got bored of it

Stranger: Why...

Stranger: I hate it....

You: i meant read in past tense

You: why d'you hate fantasy

Stranger: Ahaa

Stranger: It makes me hate my life more

~

Stranger: everything is fine

Stranger: But I feel so fucking empty

Stranger: I just want to kill myself

Stranger: for no reason

Stranger: I actually look for reasons

Stranger: Im in need of someone

You: for reasons to kill yourself?

Stranger: yees..

You: that's messed up

You: what happened anyway

Stranger: I dont know

Stranger: I just dont know

Stranger: I just want to die...

Stranger: But 3things hold me back

You: that's good

You: what are they

Stranger: 1 family

Stranger: 2 friends

Stranger: 3 Im scared I might go to hell :P

You: heh.

You: i'll meet you there, when i go

~

Stranger: I dont know

Stranger: I wish someone could kill me

Stranger: I sometimes ignore red lights

Stranger: so a car might hit me

Stranger: but they got damn good brakes in Holland -__-

~

You: how long have you wanted to die

Stranger: from years ago

Stranger: but these last months

Stranger: its every day

You: how come you haven't died yet, if you try so often

Stranger: I dont FUCKING know

Stranger: seriously..

Stranger: but I never cut

Stranger: or eat pills etc.

You: ah, cutting doesn't work

You: and pillls just make you suffer when they find you and pump your stomach

Stranger: yes

Stranger: and a trian

Stranger: train*

Stranger: poor guy whos driving the train

Stranger: jumping from a building...then everyone will know

You: seriously though

You: it's not the hardest thing in the world to kill yourself

~

Stranger: I cant commit suicide dude

Stranger: it has to be an accident

You: why's that

Stranger: my family and friends..

You: y'know

You: either way

You: they lose someone

Stranger: I wish there comes a day

Stranger: some fucking moron goes outside with a gun

Stranger: and starts shooting

Stranger: including me

You: say

You: do you believe in god

You: don't say anything else

You: just a yes or no

Stranger: I dont know

Stranger: kinda

Stranger: hmmm

Stranger: hard one

Stranger: yes

You: well, i don't

You: i'm a LaVeyan Satanist

You: before you jump me on that one

Stranger: A wht?

You: it's more like atheism

You: i don't believe in god

You: nor the devil

You: or heaven, hell, none of that stuff

Stranger: so we die

Stranger: then its over?

You: more or less

Stranger: lol

~

Stranger: so hows the life of a 16 year old guy in Singapore?

You: trivial

Stranger: ahaa

Stranger: Are you sure your 16?

You: yep.

You: last i checked i was.

You: to LaVeyans

You: vital existence is the most important thing

You: because there's nothing else

Stranger: ...are you really sure your 16?

You: yup, i'm definitely 16

Stranger: nice nice

Stranger: your English is really good

You: oh, thank you

You: i had a couple of people guess i was from the UK earlier

You: they say i use british slang. by the internet's standards, i'm probably speaking Queen's.

Stranger: Not really

Stranger: British people talk like this

Stranger: yo wuu2

Stranger: alrite

You: nah, they picked up on stuff like bugger and bloody hell

Stranger: lol

Stranger: life is just thinking

You: life's pretty pointless

You: you live, you die

You: nothing much changes

You: kinda makes you feel insignificant

You: but still

Stranger: thats what I always say

You: life is the only thing you've got

You: and i suppose Something's better than Nothing

Stranger: people think : you get born , and then you die.
I say; you get born TO die

You: alot of people don't see life and death as inherent in each other

You: they see death as separate from life

Stranger: its 1

You: i think death is just the inherent failing of life

Stranger: yes yes I know what you mean

You: for a pessimist i'm pretty optimistic

Stranger: yes

~

Stranger: I dont know

Stranger: ok I suspect my girlfriend is cheating me

Stranger: but shes not the reason I want to die or something

Stranger: I have those thoughts for a long time

You: what made you think she was cheating on you

Stranger: well

Stranger: she moved to a new city

Stranger: new school

Stranger: new friend

Stranger: she hangs out with him everyday

Stranger: she always talks positive about him

Stranger: etc.etc.

You: so she's not in the same city as you anymore?

Stranger: no

You: well you can't really blame her for making a new friend in an alien place

You: frankly, if she was cheating on you with him

You: i doubt she'd talk about him so much

Stranger: hmmm

Stranger: shes a strange girl

Stranger: shes anorexic

Stranger: she has psychological problems

Stranger: she can change in 20 moods in 1 minute

You: heh.

You: it makes sense to me though

You: dunno

You: if i were cheating on someone

Stranger: yee

Stranger: I dont know

You: i would want my girl to know as little as possible about who i was cheating on her with

Stranger: I just dont trust her

Stranger: I didnt use to be like this

Stranger: ye..I just dont know anymore

You: you could go see her sometimes

You: like, yknow, just to hang out

You: catch up some

Stranger: yee..

Stranger: I rather die

Stranger: :(

~

Stranger: how can I do it

Stranger: its like..

Stranger: it cant be suicide

Stranger: but I have to die..

You: hire a hitman to kill you

Stranger: thats a suicide

Stranger: where am I going to find a hitman?

You: the Agency

Stranger: -__-" ?

You: ask for 47, he's the best

Stranger: order your hitman online

Stranger: it used to be a nice game though

You: i only played Blood Money

You: i got annoyed at it after i realised the achievements don't stack

Stranger: ahahaha

You: you could go take a shower

You: then flick the lights on and off under you electrocute yourself

You: they're probably bill that one an accident

Stranger: LOL

You: they'd*

You: until*

You: damn, my brain gets messed up at night

Stranger: mine too

You: hm

You: you hate twilight right

Stranger: yes

You: you could go to the opening of the New Moon movie and insult edward cullen

You: then the fangirls will trample you to death

You: just for the lulz, insult jacob as well

You: then the other half of them will join in

Stranger: hahaha

You: oh

You: or you could come visit me

You: and try the chicken noodles from my school canteen while you're at it

You: those will kill you for sure

You: you still there or did i bore you to death?

You: oh, hey, there's an idea.

You: they'll find you dead at your keyboard, and they'll just blame me for it

You: and they'll never have to know you wanted to kill yourself

You: ...wait, then they'd scroll up and read the log and find out.

You: my plan fails.

You: hello?

You: great, i'm a murderer.

You have disconnected.

Fucking lol'd

2009-11-19T04:48:00.010+08:00

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hello

Stranger: ola

You: now there's one i haven't seen yet

Stranger: si

You: usted habla ingles?

Stranger: no hablar fuckin engles

You: pendejo

You have disconnected.

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hello

Stranger: Im single and looking 4 a date im 20 years old and live in san jose cail and I’m a f

You: that was fast

You: you have that on ctrl+c or something?

You: ...okay then.

You have disconnected.

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi

Stranger: hey

You: this thing is pretty amusing

Stranger: what is

You: omegle

You: the last convo i had was funny

Stranger: yeahh some people are strange

Stranger: gotta go my rocket ship just landed

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

omegle.

2009-11-19T03:13:00.001+08:00

Holy carp. I spent two hours talking to strangers.

Cool.

-

2009-11-18T20:46:00.000+08:00

Actually, I hate fishballs.

epicness.

2009-11-15T22:44:00.001+08:00

Milo powder in the freezer.

I think my dad just set a new record.

=Onoz

2009-11-12T01:37:00.000+08:00

Oh lawdy. Can't find my entry proof for CL B.

Epic gawnage.

-

2009-11-10T02:10:00.001+08:00

I have my Shadow, I have my cat. We'll do grandly.

-

2009-11-09T17:47:00.001+08:00

They trickle away like water through my fingers.

起きてください。早く、起きてください。

夢を見て。

2009-11-08T23:11:00.005+08:00

I've been having dreams. Dreams, or perhaps you might call them nightmares. I haven't been able to tell between them lately.

Well, whichever. I've been having dreams. For about a month or so, perhaps more, I've been having dreams in which I'm faced with a great fear. What that fear is has varied since these dreams began. As fits the period, this fear is whatever I am facing as my greatest fear during that particular time. I've been writing them down, these dreams. Not entirely in detail, but merely the key elements behind each fear.

It's quite a marvel actually. I don't know why I'm seeing these dreams but for whatever reason I am, they've revealed to me that fears encountered are crushing but fears faced are destroyed.

Sure, they're only dreams and facing them in dreams can hardly be compared to really facing them. But the emotions are the same, the reactions are the same, and the experience, as a dream, probably the closest one can come to facing the actual situation.

I've watched my "greatest fear" go from life-changingly drastic to trivial. Would I, faced with the same situation in real life, react with quite the same level of calm as in my dreams? Maybe. Most likely not. But it's interesting to note; faced with a problem one cannot solve, it's easiest to simply decide the consequences of that problem no longer matter. If the consequences no longer matter, then by proxy, neither does the problem itself. When a problem no longer matters, it ceases to be a problem altogether.

It's a question I'll remember to ask myself in future, if I encounter an unsolvable problem. Does my problem matter? Does it really matter? Because in the end, what does anything matter? Cease to want, and you cease to need.

Heh. Coming off a little Zen here. Or perhaps nihilist is a better word for it.

~

I watched you fly, I watched you fall,
I'll watch you cry, I'll watch you crawl.

-

2009-11-08T01:11:00.003+08:00

Ain't it a wild ride?

Well, dang it all. Hold on tight now.

~

Watching the flashbacks intertwine
Memories I will never find,
Memories I will never find

-

2009-11-07T14:14:00.003+08:00

B'&!!

Thanks alot, Darkness.

-

2009-11-06T04:29:00.002+08:00

Jeezeus. How is it you end up doing that every time you have work overdue?

I'd like to know too.

-

2009-11-06T02:58:00.000+08:00

Sticks and stones, baby. Sticks and stones.

it happens

2009-11-06T00:45:00.000+08:00

Shit is scheduled to occur on a daily basis.

bugger.

2009-11-05T21:48:00.001+08:00

Light a fire under my ass.

I might need it.

@.@

2009-11-04T17:11:00.003+08:00

What do you do when you wake up in the early evening in a foul, antisocial mood with nothing to do?

Why, have a movie marathon of course. What else?

Originally I was going to marathon my outstanding anime, but then I realised all of them were in .mkv and I wanted to sit outside and watch on my Xbox. Starting yesterday, I watched these films (and this week's Heroes) with breaks, a shower and a short 3-hour nap in between. All brilliant films, all of them.

The Taking of Pelham 123
Taken
The Shawshank Redemption
Forrest Gump
Se7en
Pulp Fiction

I've got a couple more I want to watch, including The Green Mile, The Deer Hunter (bloody long one, that), 1967's Bonnie and Clyde, The English Patient, Life is Beautiful and Midnight Cowboy. But those can wait for another day.

-

2009-11-03T18:45:00.002+08:00

Good morning, world.

I am fucking annoyed that no one woke me up. Until it was six. Forty-five. Fucking PM.

I do believe I have set a new personal record of 16 and a half hours of sleep.

~

My brothers are pricks. I bet they chose not to wake me up so they could hog my Xbox and my com. And my maid is a slacker. And my body clock is probably on vacation in the fucking Bahamas or something.

It is extremely unfunny to wake up and watch the fucking sun go down.

-

2009-11-03T00:58:00.002+08:00

Hot glue, duct tape, spring wire, concentrated awesomeness and an earphone jack.

All you will ever need to fix anything, ever.

Or perhaps not. I can now name two things that can't be fixed with hot glue.

Hm. Gotta restock on awesomeness.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

2009-11-02T12:47:00.002+08:00

You ever fail so hard that when you realise in one single OH SHI- moment that you might possibly have destroyed months of work in one single action, that you just want to die and never be looked at again?

I have.

Oh well. Positives. Gotta stay positives. On the bright side, it's better that it falls off now, while it's still incomplete and unseen by public eyes, than to have it fall off in the middle of EoY where the sheer concentrated essence of epic fail will unravel around my body and morph it into a gigantic facepalm before folding upon itself for being too dense a concentration of fail to be stable and thus cease to exist.

...

FUCKING BULLSHIT.

THERE IS NO BRIGHT SIDE.

KILL ME. FUCKING KILL ME.

Requiem for a Beautiful Letdown

2009-11-02T07:30:00.002+08:00

She was bitter, he was sweet
By fate's hand, the twain did meet
Upon a bleary Friday night
Minds refreshed and hearts alight
Like a pair of toys forgot
The two alike, with pain were wrought

Round her heart grew twisted root
Of thorny flower, black as soot
And gripping his were vines like chain
Fed with blood and tears like rain
Upon their faces none could tell
For each their smiles told all was well

They drifted close, dark hearts aligned
By fate, by chance, by will divine
A perfect match they seemed to be
As each bound heart longed to be free
Of the shackles from the past
They cast aside, hoped it would last

He laid aside his cynic's glare
And threw away his soul's despair
He loosed his anger's clutched fist
And all his hate faded like mist

She buried deep her tears and shame
And sought to forget hurt and blame
She pacified her biting tongue
And she was whole, renewed and young

Awhile they danced, and all was grand
But each new mask was soft as sand
For lurking by like haunting dirge
Were demons ready to emerge

Built slowly as a house of cards
They crafted beauty out of shards
It glistened like the morning snow
They pledged their love, that it would grow

But surely as the sun will rise
Happiness, fate from them did prise
Neither could perfect remain
For each mask melted into stains

From his chest a cold beast rose
With heart of stone, conscience disposed
His beast tore down forbidden walls
And ravaged raw forbidden halls
From her breast, a shadowed soul
Of wrath arose and took control
To defend and to protect
The shadow did his pleas reject

Thus, one tip, their Wheel was turned
Doomed to fall and doomed to burn
Each fall harder than the last
Cracked souls and fragments of the past
Were what remained left on the ground
As mem'ries fade bereft of sound

He was bitter, she was sweet
By fate's hand, the twain's defeat
Upon a mellow Wedn'sday's dusk
Her torn heart and his soul's husk
Were left upon that wood-carved bench
Her tongue did bite, his fist did clench

-Kurohi Rei

-

2009-11-02T06:45:00.003+08:00

Good morning, world.

I have a poem for you from the Realm of Dreams.

memories can be such simple things.

2009-11-01T12:54:00.004+08:00

Sashimi. Bus rides. Anime tapestries. Orange soda. Portals.

Cab-driving. Murder. Japanese class. Subway. Annie is okay.

Uncle. Trolling. Cycling. Still alive. Rockband.

Big Brother is watching you.

-

2009-10-30T16:51:00.003+08:00

That was unnecessarily rude of you.

C'mon. It's been two weeks. Gimme a break.

I think preferred it when you only spoke when I needed you.

Jerk.

Heh. Only joking. I'd ask you to apologise to him but it'd be really weird if you did.

We've got no problem then.

Just lay off the bitching next time.

that's hot.

2009-10-30T00:34:00.004+08:00

Tried it again.

Please please please Haruhi let AFA09 be extremely extremely well air-conditioned.

~

Heh. That was fast.

Oh, it's you. Where have you been?

Around. Exam period is boring y'know.

I'll say.

=O

2009-10-29T23:18:00.002+08:00

And all of a sudden, it's over.

It'll take a while to sink in.

I am no longer a secondary school student.

there's nothing wrong with me dammit

2009-10-27T21:16:00.004+08:00

I saw my art therapist/counselor for what will be the last time today. It turns out I was sent to her for more than one reason. Some teacher or other was apparently 'concerned' that I was sleeping in class all the time and was convinced I had some problem or other, so in addition to the whole dark themed art pieces thing, I was sent to her so that she could see if there was anything wrong with me and if there was, if she could fix it.

She said she felt she could tell me this on account of a) there being nothing actually wrong with me and having reached that conclusion she felt there was no more need to keep that from me, and b) that she's leaving the school next year.

Art therapy heh. It was fun while it lasted.

~

AFA09 had better be really well air-conditioned. Really really well. Like with a snow machine.

napz

2009-10-26T21:51:00.002+08:00

I just woke up from a long ass nap and showered. I had a dream.

I'm not going to recount the dream, but suffice to say I'm quite glad it was a dream. Not because anything particularly bad happened to me, but because if it wasn't a dream and had it actually happened, it would probably make me the biggest asshole on the planet. I mean really, everything I've done up to now notwithstanding.

...Yeah, I'm really quite glad it was a dream.

I'm still a little drowsy, and I forgot to bring my digital camera to school today (handphone camera sucks) so I could only take shitty pics of my art piece. I'll just postpone it a little so I can write a proper post about it and do the underlying message justice. That art piece holds particular significance to me, especially when considering the two previous ideas I had for term 4's piece which I abandoned for one reason or another.

SELLING APPLE 6M

2009-10-26T02:59:00.002+08:00

I'm an asshole, but this vid makes me FUCKING LOL every damn time I watch it. I don't even remember how many times I've watched it.

botak jones

2009-10-25T11:53:00.001+08:00

Burgers bigger than both my fists combined = win

-

2009-10-24T14:03:00.001+08:00

obligatory results post v2.0

2009-10-24T11:40:00.007+08:00

Long post. Go take a piss or something first. Heh.

So I woke up at 11 yesterday, when Wei Ren called my handphone. I answered sleepily, and it didn't hit me that I was supposed to be in school until he mentioned that they needed one more player for Bridge. In my dazed and confused state, I had him tell me my marks. I'm kind of glad I overslept, because I didn't have to sit through the terrible suspenseful release of papers. I heard R- was being an evil bitch and giving out like, one paper every 10-15 minutes. The anticipation would have killed me.

I went to school for 45 minutes yesterday HAHA to take my papers back and find out my Art marks, which Wei Ren couldn't check for me.

Targets from September

Art
This was really unexpected. But I'll have another post for art itself, so I'll leave the reflections for then.

Chem
HAHAHA CHEM CAN SUCK A DICK DO NOT CARE

Cmath
The finals had more of this year's stuff than last year's, and I can't do last year's. I pretty much studied for this by doing two of the past year papers.

History
Awesome stroke of luck. The question that came out was exactly what I revised during the recess before it, so I knew exactly what to write.

IHS
Ok the source was useless. MISSED 7-POINT BY 0.18. WTF. WTFFF.

Lang Arts
Frankly I'm surprised I scored so high. I only ever read No Longer at Ease once, and the Four Continents stories a few times, and we're supposed to know them like the back of our hands. Somehow managed to get 46/50 for set text and 20/25 for unseen. Legendary Bullshitting Skillz has me.

Physics
Physics paper was a bitch. I'm just glad I passed. Heh, the questions I thought I knew, I got wrong, and the questions I sorta guessed/bullshitted, I got correct. Yey.

CL B
LOL CL B. They made me sit in for the Chinese paper, which was pretty epic. One section, where we're supposed to fill in letters, I filled in BEDFAG and AC/DC GH. AC/DC GH got all correct except the second C, which is epic. THE POWER OF ROCK!!

I scored below target for IHS but above for Lang Arts, so it balances out to 36. the +3 should be guaranteed because my POD scored a grade 1, and unless M- decides to be a huge bitch and give me a grade 3 for ISO, which is impossible, cos she's totally nice, I'm not getting below a +3.

I should be euphoric about my results, and I am, but sometimes I feel like it's unfair. My effort-to-result ratio is quite unbalanced. Ever since P4, I've been working as little as I could and I've always managed to pull through. Getting into GEP in P4 was a joke to me then. I saw it as a waste of a Saturday to go for the evaluation test. I got in anyway. I spent the PSLE period reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Up until now, I've never worked hard, even though I tell myself I will every year. Heck, even every term. At the start of this year, I bought a black notebook, telling myself I would use it to keep focus on my studies. I meant for it to be everything from taking down homework to taking down notes. I carried it in my school bag all the time, all year. I never once wrote in it. I ended up using it to sort out my thoughts on an entirely school-unrelated matter and then burned the pages.

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be where I am. I don't deserve to get good results. I see people around me working much harder than me, and scoring the same or even worse than I do. It feels wrong.

And I feel bad when people help me with subjects like Math or Sciences, and I can never explain how I write my essays. I would if I knew how. And I leech off other people's notes a lot as well. Even for the subjects I'm good at, I'm usually too lazy and can't be arsed to make my own notes. It's like I'm taking, and never giving back anything. It's not like I even study particularly hard. I always try to say I did study, so it feels less weird when I talk about my scores. I say I studied, so there seems to be a legitimate reason why I'm scoring, but the truth is I hardly study at all. It's almost always last-minute skimming.

I'm a slacker, a procrastinator and a leech. And I still score alright. Heh.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm hardly boasting. 36 isn't even a really good score, it's supposed to be something everyone is supposed to hit. Like a targeted average. It's more like this weird feeling that I'm not supposed to be doing well, but somehow I am. Yeah, it's such a luxury problem, innit?

Results!

2009-10-23T11:15:00.001+08:00

LOL I OVERSLEPT.

NEED TO GET TO SCHOOL NAO.

BAI.

THIS IS IT

2009-10-23T02:30:00.001+08:00

Results in a few hours' time. I hope I'm sleepy or stoned enough so that I'll be numb and won't freak out when I find out I've been retained, or kicked out, or something.

Here goes.

mug ah!

2009-10-22T20:41:00.002+08:00

Learnt hiragana in about an hour during school. I wonder why I used to fail ting xie...

Lazy to blog properly. I have obligations to look into.

PARTY~

2009-10-21T23:01:00.001+08:00

I guess I'm gonna kinda-sorta miss my class next year.

C'mon guys! Steamboat potluck in class for snack time! Let's go!

-

2009-10-20T23:19:00.002+08:00

Had twelve hours of sleep,

finished Brütal Legend,

and attempted to give a shit.

/myday

sounds like a riot; count me in!

2009-10-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

We are who we choose to be, for no one defines us but ourselves.

And today, I am a brutal Legend.

-

2009-10-18T22:40:00.002+08:00

Oo. Shouting.

No, I don't even care anymore. It's entirely not my problem.

Geh. My father is the reigning king of offtopic ranting.

Things that aren't my problem always become my problem. Bah.

But I'm starting to understand something. Perhaps the reason he grew up into what he is today is because life dealt him a particularly shitty hand, and he played it wrongly.

Perhaps.

-

2009-10-18T11:29:00.000+08:00

Revenge is sweet, but be careful not to get diabetes.

Heheheh.

for I am a phoenix, and a phoenix does not die.

2009-10-18T11:00:00.000+08:00

Ira. Superbia.

Acedia.

My eyes had chanced upon a fleeting sight,
A window opened to the world in light
A life reclaimed, order restored, it seemed
Alas I woke, it was a lie, a dream

this is so totally unlike me.

2009-10-17T17:09:00.002+08:00

Tired.

Imma go play Fable 2. The Game of the Year edition is out, so yey, ~~free~~ DLC expansion packs.

PROJECT REBELLION: ADAGIO

2009-10-16T03:00:00.002+08:00

Project Rebellion is once again off the ground. Adagio (finally) sees Stage Three complete, and Stage Four will be initiated soon.

Also, I have grown 3 cm (if my measurements back then were correct, which frankly I doubt) since I first made scale measurements for Rebellion. I'm starting to regret not making it larger, but then the skull would look mighty strange.

Note to self: update, w/ pics.

PHUCK THYS FYSICS SHYT

2009-10-15T15:21:00.000+08:00

Dark chocolate is bittersweet.

But forgive me, love, I can't turn and walk away

2009-10-15T12:00:00.002+08:00

(I'm posting this early because the following post will be completely outdated by the time 12 noon tomorrow comes, at which time I'll be halfway through my final paper.)

Sitting in for the Chinese paper (not CL B, I was taking the same paper as all the non-CL-B people) was a totally retarded waste of my time. It's not counted for anything, I've never seen a paper of this format before and I didn't have any other paper for the day.

The first paper was completely strange. I tried to sleep through it but the dean kept asking me to try at least, even indirectly giving me the answer to one of the questions. The second paper was lol. I haven't written a Chinese letter in months, so I fully intended to stone through the paper and submit a blank sheet. I didn't touch the paper for the first hour and fifteen minutes, didn't even read the question, but then the dean appeared again. There was less than fifteen minutes to the end of the paper so I couldn't run off to the toilet or something.

He walked down the row of people taking CL B checking the papers. I heard comments like hao, bu cuo, etc, then when he came to my paper and saw it was completely blank, he wasn't very happy. He's very encouraging though. I quite like him. A little annoying, but he's genuinely got good intentions. He made me write something out in that last fifteen minutes, so I ended up with half a page of informal letter, lacking any name, address or formatting and containing hanyupinyin and English words. One particular line says "如果被 addicted, 学习就会 tui bu。" (the topic was about computer games, lol.)

But I did appreciate the one hour and fifteen minutes before the dean appeared. It's been a while since we had that, and it rarely happens. Especially without the use of a pen and notebook, or a keyboard and screen. But I guess with a silent environment, quiet mind and an utter lack of anything better to do, having a little chat with that voice in your head is something more likely to happen than not.

Alright then, one paper to go. I can taste the freedom already.

And it tastes like dark chocolate. Mm, dark chocolate.

~

John Mayer - Back to You

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me

Yeah, I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit every game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away
This way

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette

Yeah, should have smiled in that picture
If it's the last that I'll see of you
It's the least that you
Could not do

Oh, I will
Leave the light on,
I'll never give up on you,
Leave the light on,
For me too, for me too

Yeah...

Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesn't it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be

Maybe I was holding on too tight

2009-10-14T12:00:00.002+08:00

~

I will build Ebony and Ivory. Definitely.

...after I finish Rebellion.

...after I finish my CASL file and stuff.

...after I finish my exams.

...goddamn. I WILL see Project Rebellion: Operation Rainstorm off the ground. I will.

Why Rainstorm you ask? Because Operation Twosome Time just sounds weird. And immoral.

Last three are from an epic Google Sketchup model. Not mine, obviously. It's by Soifong01. I also bought Featherweight's The Sword The Gun and The Shield cosplay prop building tutorial ebook. Guy's a genius. Seriously. I'm glad to let him have my money.

Right then, back to Physics.

~

Yellowcard - Inside Out

Here, a little sympathy for you to waste on me
I know you're faking it but that's okay
And I don't want to drag it out
Don't want to bring you down
I never wanted it to end this way

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

Here, a little jealousy
I hope you think of me
Hope you wonder where I sleep at night
Cause I feel like I'm inside out
You got me upside down
Maybe I was holding on too tight

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

So don't just say goodbye to me
Just turn your back away and leave
And if you're lucky I will be your last regret, your only friend

The two of us we dream like one
The two of us, the two of us
The two of use take breath like one
The two of us, the two of us

I guess that this is over now
I guess it's called the falling out
But everyday I'm learning how to make it through this life I'm in

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

So don't just say goodbye to me
Just turn your back away and leave
And if you're lucky I will be your last regret, your only friend

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

2009-10-13T12:00:00.007+08:00

Things always gotta be complicated.

Hell with it, I'm gonna grin and enjoy the ride. Life's too short to take so seriously.

~

IMMA PASS CMATH.

PLZ.

~

Keane - Somewhere Only We Know

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?

Baby, it's a violent world

2009-10-12T12:00:00.004+08:00

Been slacking like a kitty cat.

Nya nyaa~

~

Gonna fail chem, but it was the most retarded paper, ever. SINCE WHEN THE FUCK COULD XENON FORM COMPOUNDS? Oh well, watch me care. =D

On the other hand I'm gonna kick some serious arse with history. Yey. 2 papers to go.

~

Coldplay - Life in Technicolor II

There's a wild wind blowing
Down the corner of my street
Every night there are headlights glowing
There's a cold war coming
On the radio I heard
Baby it's a violent world

Oh love don't let me go
Won't you take me where the street lights glow
I can hear it coming
I can hear the sirens sound
Now my feet won't touch the ground

Time came a creeping
Oh and time's a loaded gun
Every road is a ray of light
It goes on
Time only can lead you on
Still it's such a beautiful night

Oh love don't let me go
Won't you take me where the street lights glow
I can hear it coming
Like a serenade of sound
Now my feet won't touch the ground

Oh Oh Oh

Gravity release me
And don't ever hold me down
Now my feet won't touch the ground

Why'd you leave us 'til we're only good for waiting?

2009-10-11T12:00:00.002+08:00

I dreamt of smiles on the faces of all the people I love.

Sigh.

ごめんね、何もできなくて。

~

Counting Crows - Angels of the Silences

Well I guess you left me with some feathers in my hand
Did it make it any easier to leave me where I stand?
I guess there might not be too many who would stand beside you now
Where'd you come from? Where am I going?
Why'd you leave me 'till I'm only good for...

Waiting for you
All my sins...
I said that I would pay for them if I could come back to you
All my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming

Every night these silhouettes appear above my head
Little angels of the silences that climb into my bed and whisper
Every time I fall asleep Every time I dream
Did you come? Would you lie?
Why'd you leave us 'till we're only good for...

Waiting for you
All my sins...
I said that I would pay for them if I could come back to you
All my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming

I dream of Michelangelo when I'm lying in my bed
Little angels hang above my head and read me like an open book
Suck my blood break my nerve offer me their arms
Well, I will not be an enemy of anything
I'll only stand here

Waiting for you
All my sins...
I said that I would pay for them if I could come back to you
All my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming

I'm gone, I'm gone, I'll leave the day I'm gone
I'm gone, I'm gone, take me away
I'm gone, I'm gone, I'll leave the day
I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone
I'm gone

I never knew that everything was falling through

2009-10-10T12:00:00.001+08:00

Yey for the first Cmath paper in a long while that I've walked out of not feeling completely shitty about. ^-^

~

The Fray - Over My Head

I never knew,
I never knew that everything,
Was falling through.
That everyone I knew,
Was waiting on a cue,
To turn and run,
When all I needed was the truth.

But that's how it's got to be.
It's coming down to,
Nothing more than apathy.
I'd rather run the other way,
Than stay and see,
The smoke and who's still,
Standing when it clears.

And everyone knows I'm in,
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She's on your mind.
She's on your mind.

Let's rearrange.
I wish you were a stranger,
I could disengage.
Just say that we agree,
And then never change.
Soften a bit,
Until we all just get along.

But that's disregard.
You find another friend,
And you discard,
As you lose the argument,
In a cable car,
Hanging above,
As the canyon comes between.

And everyone knows I'm in,
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She's on your mind.
She's on your mind.

And everyone knows I'm in,
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She's on your mind.
She's on - oh.

And suddenly,
I become a part of your past.
I'm becoming the part,
That don't last.
I'm losing you,
And its effortless.

Without a sound,
We lose sight of the ground,
In the throw around.
Never thought that you wanted,
To bring it down.
I won't let it go down,
'Till we torch it ourselves.

And everyone knows I'm in,
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She's on your mind.
She's on your mind.

Everyone knows,
She's on your mind
Everyone knows,
I'm in over my head.
I'm in over my head.
I'm in over my...

And everyone knows I'm in,
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She's on your mind.
She's on your mind.